One Man’s Struggle
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Schizophrenia "One Mans Struggle" is an autobigraphical book of the life of Ray Edgell. A man who had the world under his feet. The disease took everything from him. This book will detail his demise and the actions that led him to coping with his disease and getting much more in return from having suffered from it.
It was a cold day and I think that was the only reason I didn't drive my brother in laws car into the resorvoir and attempted to drown myself. I didn't like the thought of freezing water as a means to my demise. I told the voices to quit now or I was going to overdose as soon as I got home. They intensified. I had been prescribed some powerfull sleeping pills from my psychologist and I took about fifty to sixty of them and laid down. Something came over me and said go throw them up. I went to the back porch and tried but couldn't. I went to my Moms bedroom and told her I had a problem and needed her but she was on the phone with Willy. In her state of mind with the seperation issues she didn't want to stop talking. I went back to my room and laid down again. I got real frightened. I was starting to feel sleep comming on and forced myself up one last time and opened her door again. I said I ovedosed and needed to get to the hospitol. She raced me to the hospitol that wasn't very far away and they pumped my stomach. They said I died and I didn't come out of it for about twenty-six hours. When I woke up there was tubes in all my cavities and my Dad and Mom were sitting at my bedside. We got on the bed and were making out. I thought, where is this gonna lead? She convinced me to go to the local convenience store to get more cash so we would score some drugs. She went with me and I could sense she was trying to get my pin number over my shoulder. We returned to the motel room. She went to get the guy who she said had the supply. He came into my room and immediately put a gun to my head and demanded the money. I gave him my wallet quickly and they left. I couldn't do anything, my foot was broken and I was on crutches because two days before I had dropped from a bridge to collect the crack pipe I had thrown away. I was in excruciating pain. I called the cops. They took one look at me and figured it was a drug deal gone bad. They told me I shouldn't have been here and left. I question myself with the little ability I have to form rational thoughts without the voices confusing them. To ask the voices is pointless. I can't believe anything they say anyway so why even ask? Has God forsaken me with this disease? Am I in hell now? Am I going to hell when I leave this physical body? I could very well now be condemened to an eternity in hell yet still be walking around. My heart and the promises of the Bible tell me I'm going to Heaven.
Raymond Edgell has begun living a lifestyle that has helped him cope with the horrific disease of schizophrenia. He feels he knows the only cure. Ray is desperately waiting for this disease to recede. He feels this is the only way he can triumphantly return to the foreign country where the love of his life lives and ask her again to marry him. He desires to bring her home to the quiet, little town of Altus, in southwest Oklahoma, where they can enjoy and share their lives. Ray is a fine art dealer who has a store on eBay called Ray’s Fine Art and More, username steadyy. He spends his days buying and selling art. He also cares for his dogs and does things for his family. His young nephew lives with him. Ray tries to maintain the home and make him happy.

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