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This amazing story of survival will capture you from Prelude to Ending. It will shock and disturb the deepest parts of your being. In it you will walk the path of a little girl so utterly destroyed by those entrusted with her care. You will feel her strength to survive as the towns people around her ignored the child's cry. Trecia Ann will allow you into her thoughts; her exasperating fears that haunt her soul. Trecia Ann is an adorable little girl with bright blue eyes and long brownish blonde hair. At the age of five the sweet kindergarten child is filled with joy and innocence. Her mother spends time each morning preparing her child for school with braids in her hair and a kiss on her cheek to start her day. Her older brother is the second greatest person she knows. He is only 18 months older but in her eyes he is her hero and her best friend. Then on one cold December night however, her life would change in an instant. The cold of the winter wind would not be as chilling as the rush of fear through her body. After spending a wonderful weekend celebrating her fifth birthday with her father and grandparents, the last happy memory would be her grandmother's hug as she said goodbye; returning the young children to their mother and pulling away as they ran up the walkway to their door. As she went rushing inside to search out her mom and tell her about the amazing birthday presents she carried under her arms, the little girl would stop dead so fast with fear that she almost stumble over her own two feet. There, sitting on the old style 1960's turquoise colored couch, was the devil himself. In that brief second her hairs on the back of her neck froze and the rush of fear that shot through her soul was colder than the winter wind blowing around outside. Trecia's mother came walking out of the kitchen to welcome her daughter with a hug, but as she stepped towards her mother she was shaken by the huge thick hands of evil reaching out for her. She stood between her mother's legs, grabbing hold for protection. Then her mom spoke words that would haunt her forever, "Trecia Ann, honey, this is going to be your new Daddy." Her dad was wonderful and loving, but this man had eyes so cold they shined like steel and as he reached for her, the temperature dropped and she unconsciously shook with terror. Two months later her life would be changed forever. This devil that dominated their house would control every moment of her day and terrorize each of her nights. This man would degrade, beat, stalk, taunt, molest and rape this girl for the next twelve years. The mother she loved would no longer care if her beautiful daughter rotted in his sadistic attacks. Trecia would be denied any medical care for the filth that ate away at her skin. She would never receive any dental care or be provided with even a toothbrush. The school, the towns people and even the police would ignore, but whisper about the ugliness of this child. Her school mates, just children, would tease or turn away. The once shining bright eyes of a child now carried only pain and loneliness. It is only after years of healing that Trecia Ann has now chosen to remove the coal stained hand that trapped and held her silent. The horrific secrets of her past and the behaviors of a "trained" abused child are now being shared. It is my own childhood of nightmares that I use to speak out for the millions of survivors who carry the terrifying traumas of their past. We all deserve to have roses in our garden of life and it is by talking that we can truly help to educated and protect those who cannot speak out and protect themselves.
The child part of me keeps a few special memories intact of times spent with my father and his family. That wonderful time of my fifth birthday, getting presents from all the family members who were there and sleeping in the safety of my Grandmother's arms that last night. She kept me snuggled in tight with her and we laughed at my Grandfather snoring away in the bed next to us. Grandma was taking me back to Mom that next evening. My father grabbed me and hugged me tightly before he finally let me run to the car. When Grandma dropped me and my brother back at our house, she handed me my gifts and pulled me in close for that sweet kiss good-bye on my cheek. My brother and I took off running for the door; me with my presents held tightly in my little arms and the cold December wind blowing against my legs. Mom, Richie and I lived in the housing complex filled with low income renters. It was nice there because we had a huge courtyard in front of the houses to play in and a neighborhood filled with children our age. The boys and I used to play tag football and Mom would get angry about my tomboyish ways. She took really good care of us then. She spent time in the mornings to brush my long hair and get me ready for school. At times Mom would even take special care and snuggle with me each night. That cold night I ran in our house a happy, innocent little girl but then was so instantly terrified that I tripped over my own two feet as I stopped dead at the doorway. There was a broad built man sitting on our sixties style couch. He had a balding head of strawberry blond hair and thick rimmed black glasses. When I made eye contact with him and saw the shine in his cold blue eyes, the hair on the back of my neck started to quiver. This man was evil and I could see it in his eyes. The evil ran through him like blood ran through my veins. His huge thick hands reached out for me as I walked past him, yelling for Mom. She finally came walking out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a dish towel. Mom looked at Richie and I and said, "Trecia. Richie. I would like you to meet your new dad." I couldn't believe what she said. Sadly I looked up at her and said, "New dad. But I have a dad. He's a good dad and he loves me." Mom pushed me towards the strange man as she introduced me to Walter. Walter would become the ruler of my life. He would make all decisions from that day forward concerning my contact with my father, grandparents and anyone else carrying the McKnight name. He would also control everything else in my life, including my existence. Walter became my nightmare. He would destroy everything good in my life and the day would come when no one was permitted to even say my last name. Then on a winter night of February 1968 he made his first sexual attack. The next twelve years of my life would be under his complete control. His brutal attacks would come constantly with no recourse from my mother. His huge thick hand would sneak in to forcefully cover my mouth as I lay in bed at night; trying to sleep peacefully next to my sister, but quietly crying as I endured his sadistic games.
Ms Patricia 'Trish' McKnight lives quietly now in South Central Illinois. She has become a strong advocate against abuses and cruelties of all forms. "Whether it is cruelty to children, adults, or animals; this is something we must always give our best at combating to bring an end to these heinous acts." Life for her now is active, but SAFE. She has developed an abuse recovery and educational site, with an extensive resources of bloggers, authors, survivors, orgs & foundations who are educating and rescuing children and adults every day. You can visit her site at http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com . You will find her created talk radio programs by visiting http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery . She does informative, educational, and empowerment speaking. Her blogs and articles are shared across our social sites daily. Her talents and devotion have been recognized by the receipt of numerous awards from Sisfi.org, Dreamcatchers for Abused Children, I CARE Foundation, ACESforKids and many others. Trish has created an online active support group in three separate areas across the web to provide support, healing, and friendship to the millions of others who know this pain and terror. Although healing is always a work in process that must be taken at each person's own pace, she highly recommends that all who have been harmed find the courage to speak up and break the barriers of silence that still trap our kids today. There is a growing alarming rate at which children and adults are being physically, emotionally, sexually violated and broken by those who should love and protect them. The crimes within our home have become the largest battle we have yet to address in our society. It is of utmost importance that we become vigilant at teaching our children how to talk and discuss any fears they may have. 'Do not abandon those who have been abused, beaten, raped, controlled. Gather around them in support, guidance and healing as we all learn how to move forward with the many issues of PTSD, depression, anxiety; not to mention the crime rate to victimize others but also the many addictions and self harm related to a life of trauma. We can all learn how to Live Strong & Fly Free. Always believe in your value as a human being, that you too are deserving of love, happiness and most of all safety. We all deserve roses in our garden of life.' Patricia 'Trish' McKnight Author/Advocate/Speaker/Writer/Talk Radio Prod. & Host/ Survivor/ Founder; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery & Talk Radio Programming http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery BLOG: http://www.survivorsjustice.com FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62
“We all have courage sometimes it is hidden, Patricia A Mcknight had that courage.”
By Mary Graziano
Tricia Ann a five year old beautiful child with a smile that would fill a room with sweetness. Eyes so blue, so bright that showed love and happiness, those “Dancing Blue Eyes” that I have called her. How they danced with excitement when she was with her dad, and her grandma.
Powerful, startling, Patricia Mcknight tells it like it is, in words that send chills throughout your body. She leaves you with not just a glimpse into her world, but into her life, a life of hell right after she went home from spending a day and night at Grandma’s, who made her feel safe, the last time she would ever feel safe for many years to come.
Opening the front door to her house, what she sees is the figure of a man, sitting in a chair. Mother tells little Tricia Ann, “this is going to be your new daddy.” Tricia Ann only saw evil, sending the reader into panic wondering what evil this monster was capable of!!!
As you read through the chapters, you are left with a feeling of disgust, tears filling your eyes, running down your cheeks, so much sadness, making your heart pain to think that a child of 5 was subjected to so much abuse, so horrendous that it was hard to believe someone could be so inhuman, like “ the devil himself”!!!
Each chapter leaves you in disbelief as you follow little Tricia Ann, day after day, week after week,
month after month, and year after year, living something that most of us would never ever experience. Follow Tricia throughout her different ages, as the innocence of a little child changes, becoming filthy, and sores oozing from her skin, taking away her self worth, tearing at her heart, as her own mother ignored her, ignored her sores, her hygiene.
Shunned by everyone, by her own mother, who knew what her step-father was doing to Tricia, but did nothing to stop it, no love given to a little girl who needed it more now than ever.
As you read through Patricia A. Mcknight’s memoir, “My Justice,” it is not just a book, but the truth into the life abuse, sadistic hurt, never to be able to go back to the way she once was, a fun loving little girl. Read, take in; learn how abuse turns a life inside out, never to be the same again. How you as the reader can do something, use your voice, don’t turn away, and don’t pretend that you didn’t hear, or see something happen. This is your cue; to reach out to anyone you may know or see being abused, especially an innocent child. Make this a learning tool that will reach the depths of your soul to teach you not to judge the victim, as the town where Tricia Ann lived did just that.
Tricia Ann lived in a “house of horrors,” day after day. As an adult she still suffered abuse by the hands of her husbands, being left for dead many times, as her own children would witness the beatings that Patricia endured. No-one ever came to her rescue; no-one
This is a tragic true story, I had to keep turning the pages. A must read to anyone who has been or abused or affected by abuse in any way. Well done Patricia for getting your story out there.
Jan L Frayne
Book Review - "My Justice" by Patricia A McKnight.
Without any doubt, "My Justice" by Patricia A McKnight is one of the most horrifying, chilling and shocking accounts of child abuse, that I have ever read. It is the story of the horrific sexual, physical and mental abuse that was inflicted on poor, young Patricia by her step-father, a vile, sick and despicable pervert, and also of the dreadful neglect, disregard and abuse that Patricia received from her aloof, uncaring mother.
"My Justice" is also a story of Patricia's struggle to find healing, justice, love and acceptance, whilst still reeling from the effects of such violent childhood abuse, that impacted so dramatically on her adult life. One of the most outstanding aspects of this book is that it provides such detailed insight into the many struggles that survivors face, years and even decades after the abuse began. Indeed, one may begin to heal from the effects of abuse, but the "scars" are seemingly for life. Patricia is honest and forthright, when recounting the difficult dynamics of relationships, adversely affected by childhood abuse . Most of these relationships ended in domestic violence. All through this, the corrupt and evil presence of Patricia's step-father still had to be considered as a threat, also .....
Through-out this book, it becomes evident that Patricia just wants to be loved and cared for. Instead, due to being trapped within such a vicious and brutal cycle of abuse, she only experiences domestic violence, further abuse, torment and pain, until she manages to rise above, and finally escapes from that cycle.
"My Justice" is very well written, and is easy to understand, despite the horrific subject matter. Editing has not removed the rawness and edge, out of Patricia's words at all. This is a dark, sorrowful and very moving story. At times, this story will make you feel like weeping, at other times, one feels like screaming out loud, in anger and outrage at Patricia's tormentors.
Today, Patricia holds her head up high and is rightly proud of her many achievements. She is the founder of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com and is the host of an internet radio show, where child abuse issues are discussed, often with guest speakers. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio
Patricia is a passionate and dedicated supporter, advocate and friend, of the abused.
4th January, 2014.
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