During our Sunday service the next day, I sat near the back of the sanctuary as Pastor Davis taught his message. It was a nice message until he started talking about what husbands needed to be doing for their wives. I was doing most of the things he said husbands should be doing, I just didn‘t know what my wife was telling him. Nevertheless, I knew he was going to say something about me and he did. Pastor Davis explained, “You husbands need to be providers like the word of God says. You men don’t do anything for your wives. I am tired of your wives calling me complaining about you. If you men were my son’s in the gospel, you would do the things that I do. But you don’t do the things I do. Now, you men want to get your hair did. You sit up under a dryer like you’re trying to be like your wife. You grab a seat next to your wife and you both wait to get your hair done together (Pastor Davis started laughing, along with his armor bearers). You can’t even pay your bills, but you have money to get your hair done. (The laughter continued) What kind of mess is this? You spineless fly you. And you call yourself a man and you have that garbage in your head. You need to give that money you’re using to get your hair did to your wife to pay those bills in your house and get yourself a haircut...”
Everyone in our church knew he was talking about me. I was the only man getting his hair done outside of a simple haircut. Twists involved getting your hair twisted with gel and then sitting under a dryer until the gel dried. Nevertheless, Pastor Davis didn’t stop there, he also said, “…You need to cut that stuff out of your head and look like a man. You need to look like my son in the gospel. That money should go to your rent since you can’t pay the rent without your wife helping you. You can’t meet the rent unless your wife supplies some finances. That doesn’t sound like a marriage, it sounds like y’all are roommates. Roommates share the rent. That’s not a marriage, that’s an arrangement. I can’t make it without you. That’s what you are saying to your wife. Your wife wants a man, a real man. A provider…” I was cut to my heart and extremely angry at Pastor Davis for talking about my hair. I liked my twists and I wasn’t about to cut my hair; not even for my pastor.
It was just a hairstyle and my twists didn‘t look effeminate either. Then he talked about husbands not being able to pay the rent alone. If I would have done what I thought to do in the first place, I would have been able to pay all the bills by myself. But I listened to my pastor’s counsel and moved into an apartment where I couldn’t pay the rent alone. He influenced me to move into a more expensive apartment and now I‘m being openly humiliated for listening to his counsel. This was a backhand slap in my face. Nevertheless, Pastor Davis’s words truly hurt me and I took this to God as well. This was another attack across the pulpit with my name all over it. Every man in our church had a short haircut and I was the only man with a different hairstyle. How could those words across the pulpit not be centered against me? I went before God and shared my feelings with the Lord. My wife had to tell him about me sitting under a dryer. There was no way he could have known that information. Pastor Davis grew up in the church and was never out in the world. He wasn’t knowledgeable about the things in the world. Everyone who was once in the world told Pastor Davis about the things they used to do and that’s how he knew about many things he never personally experienced. That day in church hurt me deeply, but I took the matter to God.
Marcus L. Boston is a Christian Revelatory Writer who writes primary to heal those hurt, broken, and misled by church leadership. After becoming a Christian in August 1993, Marcus has experienced abuse from over the pulpit, received false prophecy that misled him, and received unhealthy counseling. Marcus cried out to God in prayer and studied the word of God for answers to all he endured, and gives all biblical answers. Christians who were lead astray by pastors, prophets, and other church leaders, Marcus desires those souls to be restored, strengthened, and enlightened through his books.