Heaven's Hell
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Heaven's Hell
The Beginning
Published:
4/25/2008
Format:
Perfect Bound Softcover
Pages:
248
Size:
5x8
ISBN:
978-1-43437-168-3
Print Type:
B/W

Heaven is fast approaching her forties when she realizes she is at the brink of a meltdown. Life has left her angry, hurt, and disillusioned. After failed relationships, filing the final papers to terminate her marriage and in a relationship going downhill fast, Heaven is left to figure out what her pitiful life is all about and its purpose.

Educated, successful, and blessed with charm she is so weary with life that the thought of death is soothing but has been taught she cannot take her life.  Raised in a home filled with alcoholism, abuse, and family violence in a neighborhood where it was said that no good thing could generate, her destiny was set. She is forced to live in a world of phantoms: alcohol addiction, violence, defeat and fear at a very early age.

After several years of hell, Heaven’s parents seek religion to save their own lives. For Heaven, however, religion proves to be of no use; but deep down inside, she holds onto a silent belief. A belief that there is something more; that someone can save her—someone and something greater than herself can lift her out of the mire of life she has come to know. And though she will attempt to subconsciously destroy herself and those around her, in her soul, she knows there is a Supreme Power and she is destined for something GREATER. How she will get there she hasn’t a clue.

            Heaven’s Hell, the Beginning, the first in a series, depicts the effects of domestic and family violence on a young girl. While following the journey of destruction and defeat and dramatizing the emotional and psychological damages of abuse and violence, Heaven’s Hell also pronounces spiritual truths while weaving words of healing throughout its pages.

Come quickly - begin the journey!

 

 

Life had set the rage, anger, and bitterness in motion, like a snowball, growing and gaining momentum, heading down a mountain side. Heaven knew unless she learned to let go, she would destroy herself like a walking, living time bomb. She seemed to be on a path already set and destined. Every time she would set her mind to be happy, one of life’s challenges would come crashing in, knocking her off her feet, sending her whirling and spinning onto another avenue of disappointment and silent rage.

Heaven at times looked outside herself for answers, toward the sky, but would often find no answers there. He, God, seemed to be an imaginative something—somewhere far, far away. Someone who answered at times, but most of the time left her defenseless and hopeless. It was often hit-and-miss with Him; friends and family often making excuses.

She had read that he loved her and supposedly had died that she could have abundant life, but that had not been her experience. Most of the time, Heaven sat in a room weeping, believing life had dealt her a terrible deck of cards, believing she would never find happiness creating law for herself. She would repeatedly rehearse in her heart, her mind, how she was going to seek revenge on the people who had hurt her, only escalating, intensifying the horrid feelings already in her life.

Now at the age of forty, she had come to a place of crisis. Late one evening, while journaling, Heaven realized she had to let it all go. The weight she was carrying wasn’t getting her anywhere, very slowly killing her sucking life out of her - experiencing sickness, chronic fatigue, and anxiety at an early stage in life. She was too young. The people, supposedly, causing the havoc in her life were going on with their lives and business as usual.

Heaven continued in deep thought.

Oh, I’m so tired of life. I’m sick and tired of people taking and when I feel like nothing’s left they take some more. I’m sick and tired of driving others, being their silent force. I’m so tired of convincing others to achieve; I’m tired of encouraging. I’m sick and tired of being everything to everybody. Who can I turn to? Who do I talk to?

This was the constant imaging; voices Heaven heard, not realizing that every time she said she was sick and tired she created a vicious cycle – her subconscious believing, her conscious seeing tiredness and disease.

Heaven was in such a state of tiredness and weariness that even she wasn’t sure what would pull her out. She had always carried a façade of strength, and people always saw her as strong as a pillar. It appeared, outwardly, as if she had it all together. But inwardly, in that realm none could see, the soul realm, she was carrying years of hurt; years of disappointment, years of mental anguish and abuse, and mountains of pain. She was carrying decades of how comes, whys, and whens. Heaven had fallen in love with a familiar Bible verse: “They who wait upon the Lord, [He] shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Wait. Heaven had come to realize that God’s time was obviously not man’s time. What was time? A year, a month, a week, to all-Supreme Power? She also had no true understanding of wait in this particular Bible verse and no reality of its true meaning, but it was quite soothing.

Continuing to journal into the darkest point of night, just before midnight, thoughts flooded her mind.

Will I ever be any good to anyone ever again? Is there anyone out there who is truly for me, from whose side I have come?

 

Nissi Clark (a pseudo name) was born and raised in the Bronx, New York, in 1955. She attended P.S. 143, Burger J.H.S., Morris H.S., and Elizabeth Seton College in Yonkers, NY. In 1977, she and her family relocated to Orange County, California. In California, against all odds, she strived for more opportunity and a better salary so she could take care of her only child. She worked for some of the most demanding CEOs at some of the most prestigious companies, requiring her to excel and deliver maximum performance.

In 1999, becoming disillusioned with corporate America and seeking direction, Nissi quit her job. She met an associate from a large non-profit in Orange County who encouraged her to apply for their volunteer manager position. Within weeks, she was working for the organization. After serving one year as volunteer manager, she was then offered the position of case manager in the organization’s powerful and successful “Strong Beginnings” program.

Serving residentially challenged families living in Orange County’s motels, Nissi found herself working, mostly, with domestically violated women and children. She took a special interest in the subject matter and received certification as a specialist. Nissi’s childhood involved family violence, and she remained in a mentally abusive marriage for many years.

While working with her families, Nissi served as advocate for change and labeled herself an H.R. specialist—a Hope-Restoring specialist bringing solutions, life, and light.

             Today, she is a life strategist, motivational teacher, author, and the founder and president of iAscend Programs a limited liability corporation whose vision is to empower women who wish to raise the bar for their lives, expand beyond perceived limitations, and walk in their true God-given purpose. Nissi assists by using state-of-the-art coaching techniques.

         Nissi now resides in Aurora, Colorado.

 
 


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